Countdown to Collapse

I don't even know why I'm doing this... Everyday seems like an exercise in futility as I wade through the abyss of hatred in the world around me. Sometimes I think it would even be better to sink into nothingness, rather than continue this spiral into the dark.

Today at work I made a conscious effort to come in early. On Mondays the department manager brings in donuts to the delight of everyone I work with. Unfortunately, I always manage to come in a few minutes late to no donuts. I was so proud of myself for getting here early that I almost ran to the break room.

I almost broke down right there. The receptionist was busily munching on the last donut! All morning I couldn't think of anything else. I had to leave our weekly reports meeting to run to the restroom because I couldn't contain myself. I think the person in the stall next to me could hear my crying, but, mercifully, they left without saying anything.

I'm going to go meditate for a while in the parking lot.